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Greetings of peace and love!!

Dear Friends,

How are you? I am doing very well. I trust that you are having a wonderful week. I am writing to you to share something that is very exciting.

In six weeks I am getting married. It is a remarkable and miraculous story. Siphiwe and I met 24 years ago. We got engaged. Soon after getting engaged I was forced to leave Malawi due to the fact that my Dad was a political prisoner and I was not allowed to attend University. I left for the United States, the plan being that Siphiwe would follow and we would get married. Unfortunately the engagement did not survive the strain of the separation and distance. We broke up. Fast forward 23 years.

The day after burying my Dad who passed away in April 2010 Siphiwe called me to console me. Memories of our long lost love came flooding back. It was a wonderful and comforting feeling. In the midst of this huge loss it was healing to hear her voice. We talked. Siphiwe had gotten married and had two children and was currently widowed. I had never gotten married. We were both single. We decided that it was our destiny to be together.

This destiny will be fulfilled on August 20th, 2011 in Malawi. I wish you could be with us on this our special day. Many have asked what we need as a wedding gift. My answer has been simple. Having the wedding itself is our gift. The best gift that you can give to us is to help us fulfill our dream with a donation that will go towards the wedding costs. A gift from you in any amount will be much appreciated.

If you would like to send us a gift of support please get in touch with me and I will let you know how, Thank you. We look forward to sharing pictures and video from the wedding after the event sometime in September.

Gratitude and blessings, Siphiwe and Masankho

I am a single mother of four, ages 11,9,7 & 6. I was married for 15 years, our divorce was just final on 5/6/2011. I have not seen or spoken to my ex husband for 2 years until recently. Two years ago, I finally left him after 13 years of physical, mental and emotional abuse. It was the second time I took the kids and ran for our lives. The first time, I left for a year. Packed the kids in my van and drove for 6 days from California to Atlanta. We were just starting to really do well there, but I had not cut off communication with my husband, and he begged me to come home. I got weak and agreed, he came and got us and brought up home to a one bedroom, roach infested apartment in Richmond, CA. He had his wife and four children living that way. Granted, he was finally working and trying to help for a change, but it was not enough. Two weeks of living like that, he began to hit/choke me again. This time, he choked me until I passed out. I knew I had made a huge mistake leaving atlanta. But, I ended up getting a great job that provided us a free three bedroom apartment. Things were finally looking up! I became the manager of our apartment building and I loved my job. What was bad was, abuse only got worse. And on top of getting hit all the time, he was addicted to porn. It was a really hard situation to live in. I felt like I was going to die everyday. I was afraid of the future if I stayed alive. since I had an office in the building, I was never far from home. It got to a point where at times, he would come into my office, lock the door andclose the blinds and fight me in there. residents have called the police to tell them I was getting beat up in my office. The police came to know me well, on a frist name basis. They would show up on their off hours, come into my office and plead with me to leave this guy. One office, Al, told me that he had a dream of coming to my office just as I was being brought out in a body bag. People told me things like that all the time, and although it shook me, I saw no way out!

Well, we had another fight one day and he came running after me. Our daughter was asleep on the couch and I ran over to where she was thinking he would not hit me if I was by her. Well, he didn't. He took her cheerleading trophy andbeat me with it until it broke. then, he took the heavy base of the trophy and aimed for my head. It missed, but hit my daughter in her knee. My daughter and I were both crying loudly and he said she should have moved when she saw her mother getting her ass beat. I don't know what, or why, but I jumped up, jumped over a loveseat and grabbed our cordless phone. Dialed 911. He said, call the police, your not going to do anything but lose your job. When he saw me continue the call, he went to get his gun out of the closet. I ran. At this point, he was starting to get the gun out whenever we were fighting. One time, I jumbed through our window, through the screen to get away from him with the gun.

Well, I ran and I heard my kids scream as I ran to my office. I looked behind me and he was walking towards me, gun pointed, laughing. I yelled into the phone that he was going to shoot, and he turned and ran away. The police caught him with a fully loaded gun. He did 8 months in jail, and I testified against him. I had him served divorce papers while he was in custody. I tried to do all the right things to stop this cycle. I wanted the kids to see me, see what we were going through and that it could change and we could be happy. Well, we are yet to be happy, it's a struggle.

We relocated, just me and my four. It took me a long time to find a job, and I just lost it due to childcare issues. If the kids get sick, I don't know a soul to call and I would have to miss work or leave early. My manager said she understands how hard it is for me but she runs a business and is not in the business of helping single mothers. So, I am now unemployed, have been for a month now. I had to apply for welfare. We get $163.00 cash. When I was working I was bringing home over $2,000.00 a month. I am in a state of shock and a major depression right now.

My ex has moved on and is happy. He is engaged to another woman who is a lot older than us. Through my job as the apartment manager, I had an interaction with her that allowed me to never forget this womans name. Now 4 years later, this woman is on facebook with my husband, kissing, on vacation. My heart hurts. I feel like I can never win. even though I thought I was leaving the hurt behind, he is still beating me down.

I have tried to date, but who wants this damaged mother of 4? Right now, I feel so low. I have never been this down and out. I want to pull myself out, but there are other small little factors that keep me feeling as if the world has ended for me.

thanks for listening......

What I really want... 

Past all the current needs, and realities...

I truly want that fairy tale...

The prince, or night in shinning armor, or a Richard Gear in Pretty Woman. :-)

However you want to relate it, it all comes out the same in the end.

I want that man who becomes my best friend and committed partner in life for the rest of our life..

I want that unconditional love for the same unconditional love I have to give.

It has nothing to do with money, but I am looking for a stable man.

I will come back periodically and add more of what I seek.

In the meantime please let me know who you are and what you truly seek in life.

Making New friends and maintaining old friendships is of interest to me.

.

its hard having no money..and when there is a little bit of money its always hard to figure out the best way to spend it to make it strech and worry about whos going to be upset in the end when its all gone.

When I finally took time to think about life, I realized that it is full of twist and turns, especially if married.  More like an adventure.  One that changes daily depending on the decisions you make.  Nothing new to people.   Just a thought that popped into my head while sitting here. 

Here is what I want to say today:

I fell "head over heels" in love with my husband and dreamed of a life full of adventure and children.  I have both.  Three wondferful children who are almost adults and on their own and a marriage full of........twist and turns.  As wonderful as my husband is he is not a financial wizard and unfortunately for us, he has ruined our credit.  Oh, he had help, I trusted him enough to be the co-signer, trusting that he would make payments on loans/mortgages only to be let down time and time again.  But I love him... Maybe I'm just comfortable with our marriage,  M-m-m-m, a thought to ponder.   Some would say that I am stupid...and I would have to agree when it comes to my love for him.  I've allowed him to go on for years, me being the "dutiful" wife (well maybe not so dutiful as I am part Indian and part Dutch/Irish) but none the less, as dutiful as I could be.  I've accepted the way things were/are, and I've tried to help when he allowed me to.  Now I'm told that he is no longer in love with me and wants a divorce. Twist or Turn?

Do I give him one?  No because I took a vow to "love til death do us part".  Silly, I Know, especially in this day and age when people are divorcing over every little thing.  Do I suspect another women?  Unfortunately yes.  Do I have proof?  No, can't afford to hire a P.I., not sure if I would if money was available.

So what do I do?  I tell you what I do.  I pray daily that God will guide my steps and my words.   That he will take hold of my husband and convict him, if he is doing anything wrong against our marriage.  I pray that God will start the healing in both our hearts.  But most important, I pray that God's will is done.  Not sure what I mean by "Gods will be done", but I pray it anyway, whether we stay together or go our separate ways.

You might think from the previous paragraph that I am a "religious freak". But I'm not, just human.  I've always relied on God, but must admit that I'm a little shaken by this "divorce" issue.  Thought we would grow old together and have that special "comfort love" that older couples appear to have.   Sometimes I catch myself panicking about being alone, paying bills he hasn't paid, and things in general.  But then I realize that I did those things prior to marriage, that I was a strong person then and can be again.

So here it is, my first post, and I'm not sure what will become of it or if anyone will respond.  But I do feel better just knowing that someone might read it and reply.....hopefully positively....but even a negative reply might hold some information worth pondering.

Oh....and if anyone knows where I might get a small loan to pay off some of the debt we/I owe, just let me know.  I would prefer a short term loan, 3 years or less, for about $5000.00.  This is not all the debt owed as a couple, but this is all I can take on as a possible future divorcee.

Maybe someone out there has experienced the same thing that I have. First I'm not one to drag my feet. On the other hand sometimes I wish I were. Being stubborn and hardheaded did not help any in the situation either. I believe that marriage is the unity I think that when people get married they become one and they share their life together. Since I have been married I think things have gotten harder for me. First my husband has a very nice used car. He told me that he would give it to me because he was looking for a small truck and he didn't need two vehicles. The problem was he wasn't looking at all, he just said he was looking. He likes to drag his feet on everything. In the meantime I have no car, no way to get around anywhere, and it was like he wanted me to depend on him. I've learned in the past that you never count or depend on anyone except yourself. So being hardheaded I started looking for my own car. I wanted to show him that I didn't need to depend or count on him for anything. I found one that I thought was a good deal. I bought it from an auto auction so I did not get to test the waters first. After I paid all the money for it they brought it out and it was mine. At first I was very excited. I thought all it needed was a new battery. This car has been my nightmare. After I got the battery and started up I soon realized that the good deal was a lemon. With all my money gone I realized that the car needed a new engine. My husband and I have been fighting about this car ever since I got it. I think because he felt in control and could determine when I could have a vehicle, and I trumped him and got the car anyway without him checking it out. I haven't told him about the engine. I know I'm not going to tell him about the engine. If I told him about the engine I would never hear the end of it. So now I'm in the same situation as before with no car and now no money.

The weather is so nice here in Missouri, sunny with the perfect breeze.

Today I went to a job interview and she had 2 more people to interview

after me.  She is sending out my reference checks and sent me to get

a TB test and drug test at the hospital.  After I got done with all of that

I came home and got my housework finished.  I hope everyone is doing

well, that you had a nice day and that good things come your way soon!

Take care, 

Debbie

Thanks for the advice last time. I didn't want to hear it, but I needed to. Advice is funny like that.

Well today my whole world collapsed. I've been real busy with my new job the last couple of weeks and I was beginning to notice my wife pulling away from me. I tried to talk to her about it, but she was being real distant. She was also very protective of her phone, but I didn't think anything of it.

 Well a night before now I had some dream. It was really bizarre, but it quickly became a nightmare when I realized my wife was cheating on me, even though the first part of the dream she obviously was and I had just refused to see it. I was... disturbed by the dream, mainly becasue of what it says about my subconcious. This morning curiosity got the better of me and I looked through ehr phone.

An old friend of hers was teh picture, with the words 'Ohhhh honey honey' as the slogan. I thought it was a little weird, but my wife is fairly eccentric, like myself. So I 'went to text my friend' which is just BS for look through her messages. Apparently she'd been texting that guy and ending up sending both messages that said 'I love you' along with some pictures of her that are definately NSFW.

I'm devastated. I've talked with her about it and she actually had a hard time choosing between getting a free trip to go live with the guy or staying with me. I told her to just pick what made her happy, so I guess I'm lucky she chose me. We spent the rest of the day trying to figure out what I had done to push her away.

Only about a month ago we were happy. Sure, we were having some money problems, but we were talking about having another baby and life was going well, as far as I could tell. She said it wasn't him and she was having some issues with us before she started to text him, but I don't understand how things could go bad so fast.

I just don't know what to do. I can't feel anything but pain and there's a pressure on my chest and stomach. It's hurts so much, but if I react I'll feel like I'm blowing the last chance she's giving me. Love is about being faithful and trying, or so I believe, but how can I ever trust her if she turns this fast? I can't live without her, if she left I'd be dead in a little over a year, probably from an overdose of something. I just want to scream.

I have been out this morning applying for employment.  I went to the nursing homes, walmart and taco bell.  I live so far away from

everything, my town is so small we only have a soda machine!  The weather is beautiful and

helps to put everyone in good spirits.  I hope that you all are blessed today with peace in your life.  It is so hard when we are all worried and it seems like nothing will ever work out.

I never thought years ago, that my life would be like it is today, but I am thankful for my

 health and that I am able to care for my children the best that I can.

My wish for the day would be that I could be eligible for unemployment.  That sure would have made such a huge difference in the last 4 months.  Because the company I worked for

did not have more than 6 employees and was family owned, they were not required to pay unemployment taxes and that is something I was never aware of.  I know it is difficult for others on here to get on a good path in life again, and I am so thankful for meeting you all.

Have a wonderful blessed day

Debbie

I'm what you call a hopeless romantic in the truest of senses... I left Maryland to find love out there because I couldn't find it locally and I started to see signs of my life slipping on my own. I went to Michigan to pursue a relationship with an interested woman and took my all there. Unfortunately, she eventually lost interest and became more interested in someone else, and I was given the boot to be left on the streets....

 Everyday I face potential homeless situations, but I want to find a woman I can hope to have a real chance at starting a new life. Even though I'm still fairly young, I want to be able to have a family of my own before I get too old. I come across too many women that would like that, but at the same time they would rather keep their past or current family goin than consider giving me one!

 I've tried trying to build things on my own, but it doesn't work for me this way and I can't emotionally stand being alone and single long enough for that to happen. Who wants to hire you when you cant have a decent address goin, or the transportation you'd need to support that compared to those who do? I want to build a new life, but I want someone to come home to for encouragement and keep the love I need to be strong and raise a successful family. I'm hopin it will happen this year soon.... 

I am a Hispanic male, healthy, 44, 5 11, HWP, very hardworking and responsible, looking for a contract marriage and so I can start a family, I would like to relocate to the country for the right woman, the last few years have been a rollercoaster but I can see clearer now and want to start over, I am living in Ca right now, I would have communication with women between 28 and 42, smart, compassionate, happy, have a job, kids ok, HWP, clean and healthy, thanks for reading and God bless

Ivan 

im a mom of a disabled baby and just found out that my husband has been live n a second life we have been seperated but to my knowledge we were working on our marriage well found out he has been stay n with another person off and on while here too and engaged to her has a joint account etc well now he filed divorse and put n it he gets the truck well my baby has a bad haert and legally blind the truck is n his name can i request i get truck and he pay the payment still since i have been a stay home mom and my baby has dr appts for heart, eyes etc also i cant stay n the home can i get emergency housing for us ? my landlord said he would make this home sec 8 so i can stay here but housing said no becuz ppl already o? list but i' already here and have a disabled baby does anyone know info to help me with this plz i dont have mu h time he isnt pay n the rent

If you look at me you would wonder what is wrong with me- not what is wrong.  My life looks good at first glance.  But if you take a closer look at the fabric of my world, you would see the fragile strings holding it all together are worn and frayed, and that its really just a matter of when, not if, they'll give way to unravelling.  I have a beautiful new house in the suburbs, a hot car, a beautiful baby boy.  The labels on my clothes and purses scream that I'm doing well.  I am not horrible to look at.  I eat well.  I do some light travelling.  My bills are paid on time.  I am a stay at home mom and recovering alcoholic.  I haven't had a drink in quite sometime and I a lot of good friends.  My baby is ridiculously cute and well behaved for a teething almost one year old.  Things look good. 

These are things I thought for so long would make me happy.  Until a little over a year ago I was under complete control of my mother.  She's a caretaker by nature.  I was completely dependent on her and totally unaware that she had "made" me mentally ill.  When you believe something enough surely you will become symptomatic.  The list of medicines I took throughout the day was endless.  For every medicine there was a side effect, and for every side effect there was a medicine.  I found out recently that people used to call me "twitchy" behind my back.  I couldn't talk, look a person in the eye.  I was a crumblin mess and couldn't hold a conversation.  Today I don't take medicine and wouldn't you know it, thats all gone away.  But in breaking away from my mother I only went to another form of control, this time in my husband.  For most people its simple, leave.  My situation is a little more complicated than that.  I have never really worked.  I haven't finished school.  This beautiful life we have is "rented".  His parents bought this house and its in their name.  The things that fill it that were'nt "given" by them are legally considered theirs because they are in the house, which is their property.  My husband comes from money and believes he is entitled.  To anything.  He works in construction now, as his past drug abuse ruined his chance of moving up in the family business.  His first marriage ended with his ex marrying her attorney.  He gave up rights to his son from that marriage so he didnt have to pay child support.  

 No, I didn't know this then...I was just looking for...I don't know.  He was an old aquaintence.  We started talking after a long time apart.  Hours on the phone.  We were both spirtitually sick.  Now, I know the only thing we had in common was the belief that the world and its people had screwed us.  I have since ditched this belief, which had become more than that, it was a way of life.  He is still there, and more so, resesntful at me because I am not.  

So thats the short of it.  I thought these things would make me happy.  And they do.  But not in the way I'd imagined.  I have no freedom.  I have no love.  I am his trophy.  I ask him what he loves about me.  He loves my cooking, that I take good care of our child, that I keep the house looking nice... and that I "perform my wifely duties" well...  All things he could hire someone to do.  And that is how he treats me.  Like an employee.  There is only criticism.  If its not exactly his way then he tells me to leave.  Tells me he will call his mother and have her kick us out.  Tells me he'll call my mother and have her put me in a mental instituion.  Calls me names.  Yells.  Screams.  Insults.  Cause he knows he can.  He knows I have no where to go.  No way to support myself.  He knows that I know he wont help with our son.  He doesnt do anything now.  Niles will be one on the 26th- six days from now.  The man has never given him a bath.  Changed maybe ten diapers.  Doesn't do anything.  

I don't want this stuff.  I would rather live in a little shack with someone who loved me than have this emptiness and have all this stuff.  There's nothing to split 50 50 because no of its ours.  My credit is ruined from when my mother had power of attorney over me...I was not allowed to work, and forced doctors and on medicine, resulting in several thousand dollars of medical debt.  Several years ago when I finally got my own apartment, I couldn't recover from alchoholism.  I went into a detox and when I got out my mother had moved me out, given most of my stuff away, and broken the lease on my apartment.  So I can't even get a car or a place to live.  So in the meantime I stay.  I am trying to work with a government agency to go to school so I can someday make a living...but from what it looks like to qualify I will have to go full time.  I have no childcare or way to pay for it.  I can't work nights because my husband is in construction and his schedule changes from hour to hour.  He refuses to get another job.  He knows I'm not going anywhere.  

My real wish.  That it would just work with my husband.  There is a way to work the hours he works and not have it be his number one priority.  If he'd just be nice.  Be appreciatve.  Be romantic or loving in some way.  But when he's home he's mean and hateful.  He acts like being married to me is such a chore.  And he wants me to know it.  Then he'll text me "I love you" from work and revive my hopes...and its a daily cycle. I hear the garage door.  And I dont know what to expect.  It he going to be mean or nice?  I walk on eggshells.  Its been physical in the past but not in a long time.  

I want more children.  I love being a mother.  But the idea of it never getting better...keeps me from doing it.  I can't support my self.  I can't support myself and my child now.  How am I supposed to support more?  He spends every cent he makes.  The airline broke our carseat and we had no money to replace it.  (All the travelling is paid by his family to go see them...they want to see the baby and I'm his vehicle of transportation.).  

Maybe  just wanted to be heard.  Did anyone hear me?